This past July, I planned to visit my
parents with my children in Montreal for a few weeks. I always feel a strong sense of nostalgia in
Montreal. It is the city where I was
raised and lived (on and off) until getting married 8 years ago. During this last visit, I shared many
childhood memories with my children as we drove around town and explored my old
stomping grounds. Most important to me,
going back home meant spending time with my family; namely my parents and
grandmother (my grandfather passed a few years ago). This year was very different in many
ways. My grandmother, whose health had
been declining over the recent years, was in a nursing home. She was also losing
her memory at a rapid pace. Despite our, previously, strong relationship I was intensely
nervous about seeing her. It made me sad
to think that the special bond that we once shared was most likely lost to
memory loss.
When my grandmother was in her
prime, she was a genuine renaissance woman. She was detail oriented, extremely practical,
highly efficient and rarely forgot anything. My grandmother was always such a strong,
caring and loving woman. She grew up on
a farm in Western Canada during the Great Depression, and helped raise her 6 younger
siblings after her mother died when she was 12 years old. As the oldest child she
had to take on a great deal of responsibility very quickly. This is probably
why she was able to do so many things so well. This was during a time when if
you wanted something simple like hot water or butter it had to be heated over a
fire or churned with milk from your cows! She could tailor pants and jackets
like a professional, cook delicious elaborate meals and desserts, make
delicious jams, jellies and other canned goods, upholster furniture (some of
which remain in my family to this day), knit, crochet, garden and do countless
other things with professional expertise.
When I was growing up my grandmother
taught me how to do many things and in many ways helped to prepare me for the
most important job that I would ever have: Motherhood. She made it seem as though it was possible to
learn and master most skills. During my
early childhood, when my parents were my current age (early to mid 30’s), My
parents and grandparents shared a two family duplex. I remember rushing
downstairs to my grandparent’s place first thing on Saturday mornings so that I
could spend time baking with my grandmother.
In my child mind, she seemed perfect.
We spent countless hours together cooking, talking (with me asking a
constant stream of questions) and just simply being together side by side and
enjoying each other’s company.
This past July, a few days after
arriving in Montreal, I gathered up the kids and we went to see my grandmother. I was shocked at how tiny and frail she
seemed. Of course, my children wasted no time in leaping onto her bed and
surrounding her. They immediately filled
the stale silence in the air with their bustling and laughter. I sat quietly in an armchair and occasionally
snuck looks at my grandmother sitting on her bed. I felt very awkward that because
of the memory loss I was now a stranger to her.
Before leaving, I looked at her one last time, sensing that our visit
might be one of the last times that we would see each other. We looked at each other earnestly. I pushed back tears to embrace her and,
somehow, managed a smile and waved; she slowly lifted her hand, smiled, and
waved back. A couple of days later, she
fell and injured herself and was left paralyzed and clinging to life. The children and I visited her daily, and it
made her happy to be able to spend time with the children in particular. Each day during our visit I was very aware of
the possibility of our parting being final.
Two weeks later, she finally succumbed to her injuries, a few days after
her 92nd birthday.
We know that death should serve as a reminder, and
my grandmother’s death certainly caused me to reflect upon the eventual meeting
with my Lord. Our beloved Prophet (peace
and blessing be upon him) said to “live in this world as if you are a stranger
or wayfarer”. Indeed. The reality is
that we are only briefly “stopping through”.
In this world, it is so easy to lose sight of this fact and of the fact
that serving our Creator is our sole purpose in this life. May Allah (highly exalted is He) make us all
from those he is pleased with and glad to meet ...Ameen.